Perspective pt. 2

It is amazing how quickly one's priorities can change. On Wednesday morning, my plan was set for the day. I would get off of work, go home and have some lunch, then spend the rest of the day working on homework. I'm coming down the home-stretch of the quarter, and everything is due at once. I knew what my priorities were. At about 1:10 in the afternoon, everything came to a standstill.

I received a call that changed my world. My brother-in-law, a man I have loved for over 30 years, had died. At the age of 45, one of my dearest and closest friends was gone. He hadn't been ill, we'd had no warning, he had gone to bed saying he wasn't feeling well and passed away in his sleep.

There is no way to prepare for something like this. My girls and I were beside ourselves. He had been more of a dad to them in recent years than their own father had been. He was a friend to everyone who met him. This was a good man with a generous heart. Extremely likeable and always compassionate.

I remember him saying to me more than once, "You're not my sister-in-law; you're my sister." And that's how it always was with him. He was my brother. It didn't matter that I was no longer married to his brother, and it didn't matter to him that some of his other family members were not continuing to have a relationship with me. He assured me, "You're still family."

There were all those thoughts that my daughters put into words, "He's the reason I wanted to be a cosmetologist." "I was going to work with him." "He was going to teach me everything he knows." And the most heartbreaking of all, "He was going to walk me down the aisle."

We have spent the last couple of days going through the motions of life. It's amazing how physically exhausting it is to grieve someone you love. And there is absolutely no way to really focus on anything else for any length of time. All those things that a few days ago seemed so important have taken a back seat.

We'll continue to go through the motions. I'm working on homework, the girls are getting to work and school. But all the joy is gone for now. Every once-in-a-while one of us will burst into tears for a few minutes, then we get back to what we were doing. We'll say good-bye next week to our dear, beloved friend, brother, tio, nino...and life will resume.

But our perspective on life is being challenged. I pray that family and friends will take this time to think about how short life can be; how unpredictable it is. This should be a wake-up call to each of us to remember that our days are numbered. My brother did know the Lord. I trust that he was judged mercifully. And I know that one day we will be together again in God's perfect timing.

Until then, rest in peace, my dear friend. I love you, Juan.

Rewards

I've often wondered if I have done enough in the past to teach my children to be compassionate. In this world where we are so often bombarded with the "me first" attitude, I think it's very important to remember to take care of those less fortunate. And since the father of my children is not the most compassionate person, I have always seen it as my responsibility to teach my girls that they have been given the responsibility to look out for the needs of others. There have been plenty of times when we have stopped to give a bag of groceries to a homeless person, or bought them a meal, or even made a second trip around the block to get into the right lane so we could hand them some money through the window. I know how hard it can be to ask for help, and there have been many times in my life when someone helped my family out. So I believe it is my duty as a Christian with a roof over my head to share when I can. However, I didn't know until just recently if this attitude had really taken root in my youngest daughter.

This past winter, we began to notice a woman who would spend hours standing in the same spot on the main highway that runs through our town. She appeared to be homeless, always wearing the same clothing, and she always looked so small and alone. Week after week went by as she stood in the same place just staring off into space. We wondered if she thought she was waiting for someone who never came. Or maybe she stood at the site of a tragedy. I always wondered about her, but voiced to Rose that I felt uneasy, for some reason, about stopping. I was afraid she may have been unstable; afraid she could react badly to my approach. She never appeared to be asking for help, she never made eye contact with the people passing by and never held a sign asking for help. As the weather got colder, I worried about her. She stood there in her shirt, jeans, and flip-flops looking like a statue. She sometimes wore a light sweatshirt. We saw her only in the daytime hours, and I wondered where she went at night.

Around the time I decided that I would buy her a jacket, she disappeared. We would drive past her spot and wonder what had happened to her. I thought maybe our cold weather had driven her to a warmer place. It was even possible that she was picked up by the authorities and taken to a place where she could get some help. I was hopeful that she was okay, but eventually forgot about her. That is until a few weeks ago.

Rose and I were pulling into the parking lot of a local fast food restaurant when, lo and behold, there stood our little lady. She was standing literally in the middle of the parking lot with that same lost look. Rose asked, "Mommy, can we buy her something to eat?" I told her that would be fine, but I wondered if we should ask her what her preferrence was. Rose decided to go over and ask her. "Would you like something to eat?" Rose asked her. "No, thank you," was her reply.

I was sad that we couldn't help her, but so proud of Rose. She had taken the initiative and gone out of her way to help someone who looked like she needed help. It took some courage, but it didn't hurt. In fact, I got the feeling that it felt pretty good. I knew then that I had indeed instilled an important value in my daughter. She did what most of us in the town had been afraid to do. She took the time to put someone else's needs before her own. She took the time to love.

Have a blessed day!