Hello friends and family!
I have been away from this site for a very long time. When I started this blog, it was to meet a class requirement. And when the requirement was no longer there, I got busy with other things. Today I thought I'd revisit the idea to see if I might want to get going again. I find that actually miss writing--especially when it's for the fun of it, rather than for an assignment. So much has happened since my last post.
The last time I was here, I wrote about our loss of a dear friend and relative. It was earth-shattering, but here I am, eight months later, and my girls and I have all moved forward. My oldest, Amanda, is still teaching high school choir and doing an amazing job! Her husband, Brian, is studying to be an ordained minister. My middle girl, Rebecca, just took her state board test and is now a licensed cosmetologist, and is getting ready to give birth to my first grandchild! Amazingly, the baby is due right around the anniversary of Juan's death. What a beautiful way to look at life and its incredible cycle. My youngest, Rosemary, is now in cosmetology school and is doing well. Juan would be so proud of his nieces!
I'm getting close to graduation! I'll be ready to graduate in June with my BA in English Literature. I can't believe it! Then I'll begin the process of getting my credentials. My goal is to teach before it's time to retire! When I look back, I realize that I have learned so much over the last few years. Before I began at CSUSB, I thought being an English major would be all about learning to teach grammar and writing. Iwas so wrong. I have read more than I ever thought I would. My professors have been amazing, and sometimes made life so difficult, but they have truly given me a world of experiences. This year, I had to travel to the main campus in San Bernardino for a quarter (3 classes) and it really made me step outside my comfort zone! All-in-all, it was a good experience, and I'm glad I was able to do it. However, I'm really glad I will be back at the Palm Desert Campus for the rest of the year!
I'm so happy to be back here, and I look forward to sharing with you all. I hope you haven't given up on me.
Talk to you soon!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Perspective pt. 2
It is amazing how quickly one's priorities can change. On Wednesday morning, my plan was set for the day. I would get off of work, go home and have some lunch, then spend the rest of the day working on homework. I'm coming down the home-stretch of the quarter, and everything is due at once. I knew what my priorities were. At about 1:10 in the afternoon, everything came to a standstill.
I received a call that changed my world. My brother-in-law, a man I have loved for over 30 years, had died. At the age of 45, one of my dearest and closest friends was gone. He hadn't been ill, we'd had no warning, he had gone to bed saying he wasn't feeling well and passed away in his sleep.
There is no way to prepare for something like this. My girls and I were beside ourselves. He had been more of a dad to them in recent years than their own father had been. He was a friend to everyone who met him. This was a good man with a generous heart. Extremely likeable and always compassionate.
I remember him saying to me more than once, "You're not my sister-in-law; you're my sister." And that's how it always was with him. He was my brother. It didn't matter that I was no longer married to his brother, and it didn't matter to him that some of his other family members were not continuing to have a relationship with me. He assured me, "You're still family."
There were all those thoughts that my daughters put into words, "He's the reason I wanted to be a cosmetologist." "I was going to work with him." "He was going to teach me everything he knows." And the most heartbreaking of all, "He was going to walk me down the aisle."
We have spent the last couple of days going through the motions of life. It's amazing how physically exhausting it is to grieve someone you love. And there is absolutely no way to really focus on anything else for any length of time. All those things that a few days ago seemed so important have taken a back seat.
We'll continue to go through the motions. I'm working on homework, the girls are getting to work and school. But all the joy is gone for now. Every once-in-a-while one of us will burst into tears for a few minutes, then we get back to what we were doing. We'll say good-bye next week to our dear, beloved friend, brother, tio, nino...and life will resume.
But our perspective on life is being challenged. I pray that family and friends will take this time to think about how short life can be; how unpredictable it is. This should be a wake-up call to each of us to remember that our days are numbered. My brother did know the Lord. I trust that he was judged mercifully. And I know that one day we will be together again in God's perfect timing.
Until then, rest in peace, my dear friend. I love you, Juan.
I received a call that changed my world. My brother-in-law, a man I have loved for over 30 years, had died. At the age of 45, one of my dearest and closest friends was gone. He hadn't been ill, we'd had no warning, he had gone to bed saying he wasn't feeling well and passed away in his sleep.
There is no way to prepare for something like this. My girls and I were beside ourselves. He had been more of a dad to them in recent years than their own father had been. He was a friend to everyone who met him. This was a good man with a generous heart. Extremely likeable and always compassionate.
I remember him saying to me more than once, "You're not my sister-in-law; you're my sister." And that's how it always was with him. He was my brother. It didn't matter that I was no longer married to his brother, and it didn't matter to him that some of his other family members were not continuing to have a relationship with me. He assured me, "You're still family."
There were all those thoughts that my daughters put into words, "He's the reason I wanted to be a cosmetologist." "I was going to work with him." "He was going to teach me everything he knows." And the most heartbreaking of all, "He was going to walk me down the aisle."
We have spent the last couple of days going through the motions of life. It's amazing how physically exhausting it is to grieve someone you love. And there is absolutely no way to really focus on anything else for any length of time. All those things that a few days ago seemed so important have taken a back seat.
We'll continue to go through the motions. I'm working on homework, the girls are getting to work and school. But all the joy is gone for now. Every once-in-a-while one of us will burst into tears for a few minutes, then we get back to what we were doing. We'll say good-bye next week to our dear, beloved friend, brother, tio, nino...and life will resume.
But our perspective on life is being challenged. I pray that family and friends will take this time to think about how short life can be; how unpredictable it is. This should be a wake-up call to each of us to remember that our days are numbered. My brother did know the Lord. I trust that he was judged mercifully. And I know that one day we will be together again in God's perfect timing.
Until then, rest in peace, my dear friend. I love you, Juan.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Rewards
I've often wondered if I have done enough in the past to teach my children to be compassionate. In this world where we are so often bombarded with the "me first" attitude, I think it's very important to remember to take care of those less fortunate. And since the father of my children is not the most compassionate person, I have always seen it as my responsibility to teach my girls that they have been given the responsibility to look out for the needs of others. There have been plenty of times when we have stopped to give a bag of groceries to a homeless person, or bought them a meal, or even made a second trip around the block to get into the right lane so we could hand them some money through the window. I know how hard it can be to ask for help, and there have been many times in my life when someone helped my family out. So I believe it is my duty as a Christian with a roof over my head to share when I can. However, I didn't know until just recently if this attitude had really taken root in my youngest daughter.
This past winter, we began to notice a woman who would spend hours standing in the same spot on the main highway that runs through our town. She appeared to be homeless, always wearing the same clothing, and she always looked so small and alone. Week after week went by as she stood in the same place just staring off into space. We wondered if she thought she was waiting for someone who never came. Or maybe she stood at the site of a tragedy. I always wondered about her, but voiced to Rose that I felt uneasy, for some reason, about stopping. I was afraid she may have been unstable; afraid she could react badly to my approach. She never appeared to be asking for help, she never made eye contact with the people passing by and never held a sign asking for help. As the weather got colder, I worried about her. She stood there in her shirt, jeans, and flip-flops looking like a statue. She sometimes wore a light sweatshirt. We saw her only in the daytime hours, and I wondered where she went at night.
Around the time I decided that I would buy her a jacket, she disappeared. We would drive past her spot and wonder what had happened to her. I thought maybe our cold weather had driven her to a warmer place. It was even possible that she was picked up by the authorities and taken to a place where she could get some help. I was hopeful that she was okay, but eventually forgot about her. That is until a few weeks ago.
Rose and I were pulling into the parking lot of a local fast food restaurant when, lo and behold, there stood our little lady. She was standing literally in the middle of the parking lot with that same lost look. Rose asked, "Mommy, can we buy her something to eat?" I told her that would be fine, but I wondered if we should ask her what her preferrence was. Rose decided to go over and ask her. "Would you like something to eat?" Rose asked her. "No, thank you," was her reply.
I was sad that we couldn't help her, but so proud of Rose. She had taken the initiative and gone out of her way to help someone who looked like she needed help. It took some courage, but it didn't hurt. In fact, I got the feeling that it felt pretty good. I knew then that I had indeed instilled an important value in my daughter. She did what most of us in the town had been afraid to do. She took the time to put someone else's needs before her own. She took the time to love.
Have a blessed day!
This past winter, we began to notice a woman who would spend hours standing in the same spot on the main highway that runs through our town. She appeared to be homeless, always wearing the same clothing, and she always looked so small and alone. Week after week went by as she stood in the same place just staring off into space. We wondered if she thought she was waiting for someone who never came. Or maybe she stood at the site of a tragedy. I always wondered about her, but voiced to Rose that I felt uneasy, for some reason, about stopping. I was afraid she may have been unstable; afraid she could react badly to my approach. She never appeared to be asking for help, she never made eye contact with the people passing by and never held a sign asking for help. As the weather got colder, I worried about her. She stood there in her shirt, jeans, and flip-flops looking like a statue. She sometimes wore a light sweatshirt. We saw her only in the daytime hours, and I wondered where she went at night.
Around the time I decided that I would buy her a jacket, she disappeared. We would drive past her spot and wonder what had happened to her. I thought maybe our cold weather had driven her to a warmer place. It was even possible that she was picked up by the authorities and taken to a place where she could get some help. I was hopeful that she was okay, but eventually forgot about her. That is until a few weeks ago.
Rose and I were pulling into the parking lot of a local fast food restaurant when, lo and behold, there stood our little lady. She was standing literally in the middle of the parking lot with that same lost look. Rose asked, "Mommy, can we buy her something to eat?" I told her that would be fine, but I wondered if we should ask her what her preferrence was. Rose decided to go over and ask her. "Would you like something to eat?" Rose asked her. "No, thank you," was her reply.
I was sad that we couldn't help her, but so proud of Rose. She had taken the initiative and gone out of her way to help someone who looked like she needed help. It took some courage, but it didn't hurt. In fact, I got the feeling that it felt pretty good. I knew then that I had indeed instilled an important value in my daughter. She did what most of us in the town had been afraid to do. She took the time to put someone else's needs before her own. She took the time to love.
Have a blessed day!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Gifts of love
A couple of days ago, I received the most lovely gift in the mail. My brother made a lap quilt for me and mailed it to me without my expecting it! It is absolutely beautiful, and it will keep me warm, but that's not what makes it so special. There's a little story behind it.
He and his wife have been retired for several years, and they live in their motorhome exploring the country. Every once-in-a-while, they find a place they like, and they stay for a few months. While they were in Nebraska last winter, he discovered the joys of quilting. It began with him helping his wife with her projects, then evolved to him making his own. I believe they started out making them to send to some type of charity, and that in itself is a beautiful thing.
This past December, he decided to make a lap quilt for our mom. She lives in an apartment alone, and she doesn't get to see any of her kids as much as she'd like (how many of us do?). But she sees him the least because they are travelling, and sometimes tied down with temporary jobs, or other obligations. So, I don't know if he has any idea how much she misses him, or how much this quilt must mean to her, but I know it means the world. When I saw the finished project he had sent my mom, I was so touched. It was just beautiful! Of course, in his humility, he says things like, "Don't look too closely, you'll see the flaws." But it is really lovely.
Well, my sister and I gushed all about it to him and told him what a nice job he had done and how much it meant to our mom. So here we are, two months later and he has created one for each of his three siblings. That's four of these beautiful works of love! He kept it a secret and sent them all out at the same time. They are all made of the same fabrics, so they are very similar, and he sewed them with some very intricate stitch patterns by machine. Each square has a different pattern of stiches; the more I look at it, the more patterns I discover. I had mine for a whole day before I realized that my name is stitched in one square! It is truly a work of art. And then, as if it all weren't amazing enough, he created a square on the back of each one telling the story of the family lap quilts. He included our names and the dates so that "100 years from now, when someone finds them, they'll know the story."
This may be the part that touched me the most. My big brother, who has no children himself, has created a beautiful legacy that I can hand down to my children. I know that so much love went into his work, and while he was stitching these works, he was thinking about us. He thought about each square and stitch and what we'd think when we found all the interesting surprises stitched into each one.
I miss my brother, I haven't seen him in...I'm not sure how long. But it is so nice to know that he was thinking of me while he worked on my gift. And when I'm cold and get to wrap myself up in it, I'll feel a little closer to him. Years from now, when my grandchildren wrap themselves up in it, I hope they'll think of him, and me, and everyone else who may have enjoyed its comfort. What a beautiful gift he has given our family.
Have a blessed day!
He and his wife have been retired for several years, and they live in their motorhome exploring the country. Every once-in-a-while, they find a place they like, and they stay for a few months. While they were in Nebraska last winter, he discovered the joys of quilting. It began with him helping his wife with her projects, then evolved to him making his own. I believe they started out making them to send to some type of charity, and that in itself is a beautiful thing.
This past December, he decided to make a lap quilt for our mom. She lives in an apartment alone, and she doesn't get to see any of her kids as much as she'd like (how many of us do?). But she sees him the least because they are travelling, and sometimes tied down with temporary jobs, or other obligations. So, I don't know if he has any idea how much she misses him, or how much this quilt must mean to her, but I know it means the world. When I saw the finished project he had sent my mom, I was so touched. It was just beautiful! Of course, in his humility, he says things like, "Don't look too closely, you'll see the flaws." But it is really lovely.
Well, my sister and I gushed all about it to him and told him what a nice job he had done and how much it meant to our mom. So here we are, two months later and he has created one for each of his three siblings. That's four of these beautiful works of love! He kept it a secret and sent them all out at the same time. They are all made of the same fabrics, so they are very similar, and he sewed them with some very intricate stitch patterns by machine. Each square has a different pattern of stiches; the more I look at it, the more patterns I discover. I had mine for a whole day before I realized that my name is stitched in one square! It is truly a work of art. And then, as if it all weren't amazing enough, he created a square on the back of each one telling the story of the family lap quilts. He included our names and the dates so that "100 years from now, when someone finds them, they'll know the story."
This may be the part that touched me the most. My big brother, who has no children himself, has created a beautiful legacy that I can hand down to my children. I know that so much love went into his work, and while he was stitching these works, he was thinking about us. He thought about each square and stitch and what we'd think when we found all the interesting surprises stitched into each one.
I miss my brother, I haven't seen him in...I'm not sure how long. But it is so nice to know that he was thinking of me while he worked on my gift. And when I'm cold and get to wrap myself up in it, I'll feel a little closer to him. Years from now, when my grandchildren wrap themselves up in it, I hope they'll think of him, and me, and everyone else who may have enjoyed its comfort. What a beautiful gift he has given our family.
Have a blessed day!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Ups and Downs
As some of you may already know, I took a tumble yesterday at work. No, like, I actually fell down all the way on the concrete to where I was lying down and my glasses had hit the pavement while they were still on my face! Since I work at a junior high school, I have always been uncomfortable walking through the campus during passing period. The kids are just flying through without looking where they're going, and half of them are taller than I am, so I feel like they can't even see me.
So there I was, tripping and falling and as I'm hitting the cement, I can hear chuckles! No lie! And then I see their feet continuing to pass me by. Thank God the Vice Principal was nearby or I'd probably still be sitting there!
It's amazing how many thoughts can go through your head in those brief seconds as you're plummetting toward the ground: Oh my gosh, not in front of the kids! I know I'm gonna break something! What do I look like right now as this is occurring? Seriously, I really had these thoughts. Psycho!
The cool thing is, I did not sustain any injuries! I mean, I am not in good shape physically, and all day long I kept saying, "Thank you, Jesus! It could have been so much worse!" Sure, my glasses were broken, but the Crazy Glue is working and I have a new pair on its way. But when I fell 15 years ago, I broke both of my elbows! That was rough! I could be really messed up right now.
I have decided that it wasn't an angel who protected me; it was Jesus Himself! Only He could have done such an amazing miracle! He just put His hand out and caught me! He is so awesome!
So, although I have some sore muscles, a small bruise, and a glue line on my glasses, I am so thankful for the protection the Lord extended to me yesterday! He is amazing!
Have a Blessed Day!
So there I was, tripping and falling and as I'm hitting the cement, I can hear chuckles! No lie! And then I see their feet continuing to pass me by. Thank God the Vice Principal was nearby or I'd probably still be sitting there!
It's amazing how many thoughts can go through your head in those brief seconds as you're plummetting toward the ground: Oh my gosh, not in front of the kids! I know I'm gonna break something! What do I look like right now as this is occurring? Seriously, I really had these thoughts. Psycho!
The cool thing is, I did not sustain any injuries! I mean, I am not in good shape physically, and all day long I kept saying, "Thank you, Jesus! It could have been so much worse!" Sure, my glasses were broken, but the Crazy Glue is working and I have a new pair on its way. But when I fell 15 years ago, I broke both of my elbows! That was rough! I could be really messed up right now.
I have decided that it wasn't an angel who protected me; it was Jesus Himself! Only He could have done such an amazing miracle! He just put His hand out and caught me! He is so awesome!
So, although I have some sore muscles, a small bruise, and a glue line on my glasses, I am so thankful for the protection the Lord extended to me yesterday! He is amazing!
Have a Blessed Day!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Heart Therapy
I'm happy to say I have survived another Valentine's Day, or as I like to call it, National Singles Awareness Day! Honestly, it can be so painful, or in the least, awkward. No other time of the year is it rubbed in my face so clearly that I don't have a "lover, significant other, husband, or whatever you might call it." Basically, it's the day that says "if you are without a partner, you are a loser."
When my kids were little, they'd bring home cute little cards and paper flowers made at school. As they got older, they'd give me some token of love that they had bought or made, and I always had gifts for them. That all made it somewhat more "do-able." However, now that they're grown-up, they have boyfriends or a husband to lavish their attention on, and I really don't think they are hoping for a valentine from their mommy when they have their menfolk to celebrate with.
So as I sat having my pity party yesterday, I received a couple of messages (or should I say valentines?) from God in the form of emails and prayers. One friend reminded me that I have so many people who love me. Another sent a valentine poem (albeit a little cheesy) "from God." Someone else suggested that I read the book of Ruth with Boaz in mind as God and Ruth as myself.
Once I finished my crying and ranting at God, I realized how much of a whiner I am. I decided to make a list of all the people who I know love me. Then I thanked God for the poem, which really did remind me of how much he loves me. Then I turned to my Bible. I am reminded that God is my husband for now. He provides for me even when I don't know it. He protects me. He is my Valentine every day.
I have so much more than some women do. Shame on me for feeling sorry for myself. I thank God for my family and friends, for His assurance that He loves me, and for the reality check that I don't need an earthly man to make me worthy. He is so good to me! He is the best Valentine I could ask for.
Have a blessed day!
When my kids were little, they'd bring home cute little cards and paper flowers made at school. As they got older, they'd give me some token of love that they had bought or made, and I always had gifts for them. That all made it somewhat more "do-able." However, now that they're grown-up, they have boyfriends or a husband to lavish their attention on, and I really don't think they are hoping for a valentine from their mommy when they have their menfolk to celebrate with.
So as I sat having my pity party yesterday, I received a couple of messages (or should I say valentines?) from God in the form of emails and prayers. One friend reminded me that I have so many people who love me. Another sent a valentine poem (albeit a little cheesy) "from God." Someone else suggested that I read the book of Ruth with Boaz in mind as God and Ruth as myself.
Once I finished my crying and ranting at God, I realized how much of a whiner I am. I decided to make a list of all the people who I know love me. Then I thanked God for the poem, which really did remind me of how much he loves me. Then I turned to my Bible. I am reminded that God is my husband for now. He provides for me even when I don't know it. He protects me. He is my Valentine every day.
I have so much more than some women do. Shame on me for feeling sorry for myself. I thank God for my family and friends, for His assurance that He loves me, and for the reality check that I don't need an earthly man to make me worthy. He is so good to me! He is the best Valentine I could ask for.
Have a blessed day!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Gotcha!
Okay, how many of us want to believe that we're pushovers? I know I certainly don't. But it has recently occurred to me that I have allowed myself to be manipulated by skilled professionals, and you may have been too!
I'm talking about those Superbowl commercials. I'm no big football fan, but I found myself sitting at home all alone with the Superbowl going just so I could see the commercials. Then, when I realized I had missed a lot of them because I had been busy, I went to youtube and watched them all! What on earth?! How did they get me to do that? I'll tell you how.
The commercials have become one of the best parts about watching the game, and there is so much hype leading up to the event that we just can't wait to see it all! How dumb is that? When else would I sit and search for commercials to watch? Never! In fact, one of the things I love about my DVR is that I can skip the commercials. But come Superbowl time, I'm one of those goofballs who sit and watch the commercials. Most of them are great, and this year there was the added hype about the Tebow spot which, by the way, was a great disappointment, but they're still just commercials. The advertisers' way of getting into my brain and manipulating me.
Although I didn't go out and buy a case of Doritos, and I didn't have an urge to break open a cold one, the masters of manipulation did get hold of my senses for a short while. They are really good at what they do. I can just picture them sitting there saying, "Gotcha!"
Have a blessed day!
I'm talking about those Superbowl commercials. I'm no big football fan, but I found myself sitting at home all alone with the Superbowl going just so I could see the commercials. Then, when I realized I had missed a lot of them because I had been busy, I went to youtube and watched them all! What on earth?! How did they get me to do that? I'll tell you how.
The commercials have become one of the best parts about watching the game, and there is so much hype leading up to the event that we just can't wait to see it all! How dumb is that? When else would I sit and search for commercials to watch? Never! In fact, one of the things I love about my DVR is that I can skip the commercials. But come Superbowl time, I'm one of those goofballs who sit and watch the commercials. Most of them are great, and this year there was the added hype about the Tebow spot which, by the way, was a great disappointment, but they're still just commercials. The advertisers' way of getting into my brain and manipulating me.
Although I didn't go out and buy a case of Doritos, and I didn't have an urge to break open a cold one, the masters of manipulation did get hold of my senses for a short while. They are really good at what they do. I can just picture them sitting there saying, "Gotcha!"
Have a blessed day!
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